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The
Spotted Ass She
was out, she explained, from Had long wanted to visit the West “Well, ma’am, mighty glad you could make it,” He said, pulling his Skoal from his vest They’d both chanced to sit at Gert’s counter This chic, couth and cultured young lass And the old packer, Roy, who said, “I’m from Dubois” “I’m here to show my spotted ass!” She patted her lips with her napkin No words came to mind “appropos” So she sniffed and she coughed, held her eyebrows aloft And ventured a tentative “Oh?” “Well, I don’t mean to sound like I’m braggin’,” He said as he pinched off a chew “But last year mine won Confirmation And placed in Agility, too!” “’Course, it takes time and trainin’,” he added “That well-muscled look don’t come free But for balance and workin’ in tandem Mine’s the pair, ma’am, that you oughta see.” “Really!” she managed to sputter While smoothing her hair into place Her manicured nails drummed her Gucci— If only she’d thought to pack Mace! But just then Gert came by with coffee And said, “I’ll be right with you, hon” And the New Yorker part of her rallied— This little exchange was not done! She inhaled and threw back her shoulders A street-hardened gleam filled her eyes And forcing a smile, she leaned toward him And said in a voice world-wise: “We’ve
clubs in “I went once with my friend, Elaine” “All sizes and shapes pranced before us In
black leather harness and chain” Mine being two twins, ‘Chip’ and ‘Dale’-- Not many were what you’d call ‘spotted’ In fact, most were really quite—pale.” “Albinos!”
he gasped, “Weren’t you lucky!” Belonged to the minister’s wife!” “She
was proud of it, too, let me tell you” She showed it at fairs and conventions And afterward posed for the crowd! “Why, this is uncanny,” she marveled “I just read last week in ‘The Post’” How exposure is up in some Burroughs-- South
parts of the “Oh, they’re popular, all right,” he nodded “I hear Oprah’s got herself a pair And last year out on the campaign trail Our governor kissed his fair share!” “I must say,” she replied, “It’s intriguing” This ‘subculture’ you belong to And, I hate to admit, but those spots upon yours are, well, Something I’d quite like to view!” “Ma’am, I’d be honored,” he answered “My trailer is parked just outside What say you and me postpone breakfast And I show you one well-spotted hide!” “Why not,” she said after a short pause “There can’t be much harm in one glance” “This could be one exciting vacation And
to think poor Elaine went to And so out the café they headed And though no one witnessed a thing And his prizewinning ass—in a sling! “Tourists,” he said to his packer friend Ted, “That’s one bunch it’s best to let be” “But should you get tangled with one, for gawrsh sake Don’t breathe a word 'bout your stud fee!” “Think of ‘em as a coiled rattler-- Don’t be fooled by their manners and class And when one of ‘em starts in to swingin’ her purse Duck
first, and then cover your ass! Stephanie Davis |
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